Sunday, January 6, 2013

It's Not My Fault!

It's Not My Fault!- Oh wait, yes it is. 

Whether it is due to pride, ignorance, avoidance, or whatever you are uncomfortable with- when it is a flaw about ourselves it is hard to admit it. The only thing worse than admitting it to ourselves is when others point it out for us. That is how I felt when I found out I needed to work on my interpersonal communication skills. I immediately went to denial, which only made my progress take longer.

In the past with friends and work, I have been known for my listening skills and people skills. But working at Rapid City Public Libraries I dove into a teamwork structure that I had only worked on a little in grad school and a little in previous jobs. With my extrovert personality I was mostly depended on to act or create a plan to get things rolling. After talking to several of my current co-workers I realized it wasn't only interpersonal communication but also perception I needed to improve.

Your colleagues and co-workers have perceptions not just about what you say to them but also what you do. After coming up with an action plan to track my work interactions I realized, I do have an interpersonal communication problem. I was acting or trying to come up with an answer for how to help, when all someone wanted to do was vent or start a discussion. I don't always have to take a leadership role or have the best answer, I needed to listen more. I know I am a person who likes to help, to solve problems, and get things moving. However, to my co-workers I looked over eager, pushy, and what I had learned in my past jobs were the best way to do things.

I'm not going to lie, I am eager. After graduating with my master's this is my first librarian job. This is my career- I get to do what I love, why wouldn't I be excited? I realized that some things don't need to be addressed right now. And I can use past experiences to help me but I can't let that hold me back from learning new ways of doing things. I need to stop talking and start listening. Or asking questions. It's amazing how much you can make someone feel important or involved by asking about their personal life.

I will continue with another blog, talking about working in a team environment. But for now I will share some great resources for self-help and reflection. I hope this blog will help those who have been following me: The Unemployed Librarian, Library Certificates & Library Education, Free Webinars and Other Library Training Resources, and Preparing For a Library Job Interview. This blog and the next one or more to come are from my experience in my first year on the job.


Warning: Since self-help is a personal topic, not all resources/theories will work for everyone. Learn what works for you. And this is no where near a complete listing of what is available. Also if you need a sounding board or help, please seek someone for counseling.

  1. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey.
  2. The Drama-Free Office: A Guide to Healthy Collaboration with Your Team, Coworkers, and Boss by Jim Warner and Kaley Klemp.
  3. Get Out of Your Own Way at Work...And Help Others Do the Same: Conquer Self- Defeating Behavior on the Job by Mark Goulston.
  4. People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts by Robert Bolton, Ph.D.
  5. Self-Defeating Behaviors: Free Yourself from the Habits, Compulsions, Feelings, and Attitudes That Hold You Back by Milton R. Cudney and Robert E. Hardy.
  6. What Got You Here Won't Get You There by Marshall Goldsmith. (or read an excerpt article "Which Workplace Habits Do You Need to Break to Become More Successful?" from The Journal For Quality & Participation; Summer 2007.
  7. You Want Me to Work With Who?: Eleven Keys to a Stress-Free, Satisfying, and Successful Work Life...No Matter Who You Work With by Julie Jansen.